Confused and Confident

It is  midnight. I am thinking so much and it scares me. But I am not going to give up because, this is life I don't want to share to people all this burden on my shoulder because they can't do anything for me. I am not going to be depress because it does no good to anyone. But I know I have so many debts to pay which are not my debt. Many things to do because that will make my parents and relatives happy. Many people to help because I still many people who are in need more than me.



Sometimes I wonder where is God at this point of time. But when I really think hard, I still feel God besides me because He is here. He listens to my thoughts and talks to me. He doesn't want me to worry but want me to learn from the things that makes me worry. He tells me that He has a lot of money and His treasure also belongs to me. I am glad to have such a loving friend whom I can't see yet can feel.

What is the use of worrying when my father have everything I need? Yet I still worry. And most people also does, I think it is because I am thinking so much of doing my own fantasies that may be offended to my father. If I want to do things that will make my father happy. Why should I ever worry about money?

Life looks so virtual sometimes. Everything seems imaginary. Especially God. We know Him and feel Him. Yet it is so difficult to have faith in him. We hear his words and praise his name, yet we don't obey what we say.
We get his blessings and thank him for a minute or so, and forget it when we spend it. We call upon him when we are sad and forget him when we are happy. A person betraying God seems normal and betraying a girlfriend or boyfriend seems hurtful.

We are in the image of God who can also get jealous, who is possessive yet the most caring and loving. He doesn't get jealous when we speak to a boy or girl but he gets jealous when we do bad things. That is when we are not on his side. Yet we seek for his blessings without any shame.

So, I am confused, yet very confident in what I know. That is who I am. Sorry to use 'WE' in many cases. Just in case someone is like me.