How can I say Good Bye to my sins?

I have been struggling a long time trying to defeat the human desires in me. I try convincing myself that committing small mistakes and small sins are normal. I use other people around me as a measuring scale. Outwardly, I am very good, most parents would envy my parents for having a child like me, because I always obey my parents as much as they know, I am successful in my academic career. I work hard, I have patience, I help the poor, I love doing good things for others, I am happy in helping others. I know I love the Lord Jesus and would even die for Him, yet there is something left in me that I don't know. There is something that tells me I am not pleasing God yet. I tried finding it out, but the deceiver have deceived me so well that I am blinded by my own so called good deeds.

I do whatever I think people will appreciate, I make people happy which makes me happy for sometime, but deep inside me, there is something that makes me scared. Because I know a way to find peace yet I can't go there. I see the tears of happiness that flows from the eyes of people who found it. Their joys have no boundaries, no limitations in terms of anything, ever flowing joy and happiness despite sufferings, pains, toils, death and sorrow. I know the value and the way yet I can't get it. Everyone is permitted to take this gift of this eternal peace and happiness. It is so abundant for the whole world and all generations. Yet I can get it. :-(

No one can really find out whether I got it or not, because it cannot be measured with people or by people. It can be seen only by the one who created this abundant grace and peace with His own blood and flesh. And he writes the name of those who found the everlasting peace in His book of life because he calls them his children who will live with Him for eternity.